Has anybody out there prayed for something that they didn't want answered?
For a while now, I've been praying for things to happen to me that would increase specific virtues and hopefully decrease certain habitual sins. The events are now taking place in my life and, frankly, I don't much like it. At the same time, I'm happy that my prayers are being answered because it shows me that God does hear my prayers if I keep praying.
Now I understand what St. Augustine meant when he said, "Lord, give me chastity and continence, but not yet." Everyone thinks this is a funny thing to pray, but now I understand it. St. Augustine knew he needed it. He even wanted Chastity and Continence. But the thought of having such virtues seemed almost a foreign concept to him. Deep down, he feared having these virtues because, perhaps, they were unknown to him and wanted to not have them yet. He desired to stay with his familiar sins because they were familiar to him.
A man who prays doesn't have any fear of the unknown. He goes where God leads him, even to death. While the prayers I prayed are costing me some friendships, I am willing to offer these up so that I can attain more grace. Still, I wish that my prayers were less about me. I'm still in the illuminative phase of my spiritual journey.
I thank the Lord for answering my prayers, even when I don't want them answered 'yet'. All things are answered in His time. God, grant me the grace to accept it.
Lord, let me not fear the consequences of praying for greater virtue. Let me cast off the familiarities of this fallen world and help me to contemplate the great mysteries of Your wondrous love. In you, Lord Jesus, I have no fear. Cover me with your Precious blood. I ask this in Your name. Amen
