Robert Diaz, MI: February 2005 Archives

Tonight, I have the house all to myself. I have rented some movies to watch. Right now, Johnny Depp sits on my television screen in suspended animation while I type this entry. I am surrounded by a lack of commotion and silence. There is nothing to disturb me, and that is what I find most disturbing.

There have been so many times when I've wished my dad would shut up while I was watching a movie. Times when I wouldn't have to hear his constant need to comment on the obvious. While I'm enjoying watching the movie in peace, I do not like the uneasy feeling of being alone. I wish there was noise other than the noise that I make while I type on this keyboard.

Silence is something I've wished for for a long time, but now that I'm alone with my thoughts, I just want to drown them out with noise. I'm left hearing my conscience for the first time in a long time. It makes me glad I went to confession. But, there's a faint and dull pain in my chest from some forgotten emotion, and I know that it was forgotten for a good reason. Something long ago that I worried myself sick over, and then just gave up on it. I offer up a prayer for it, and hope that something will bring me the peace that I seek.

When I was in confession, I looked over Matt 5:13 in the bible while waiting for a confessional to open. One of the footnotes referenced Mark 9:50.

"“Salt is good; but if the salt has lost its saltness, how will you season it? Have salt in yourselves, and be at peace with one another."

Just before this verse is Mark 9:42-49. It's where Jesus talks about what should happen to anybody who causes a child of God to sin. I wish I knew what 49 and 50 have in common besides salt or being salted. Jesus says everyone will be salted with fire, but is he talking about the people in hell, or literally, everyone?

This Lent, the scriptures I picked are becoming very humbling because they show me how little I really know.

I suddenly just became comfortable with the silence.

So, the other day, I was at a mass where they allow the extraordinary ministers process in with the priest. And I kid you not, there was a woman serving the eucharist wearing a neon green yoga suit. Now, I don't want to point at specks in people's eyes while I have a log in my own, so instead of ranting about this woman and her suit, I will reflect on myself.

What do I owe God if not my very best? I may dress well for mass, and continuously rant against bad music in church, and how the mass isn't following the GIRM, but what good is it if I'm not looking inward and cleaning out the messes and disorders in my life? Is my prayer life strong enough for me to criticize others for picking their nose during the consecration? Can I really talk about the Extraordinary Ministers when I'm not giving my very best at school? Can I talk about respect for the Eucharist when I badmouth my parents behind their backs for some of their strange quirks? I think the answer may be 'no'.

Today, I said some hurtful things to a friend that I really admire. I said these things right after this person had gone out of their way for me in a very special way. And, while I asked for their forgiveness, I still feel remorse for not thinking before saying what I said. And, I think that I need to take some time to reflect on the things in my life that aren't perfect and try to improve them. I know that I'm not the best student, and that my priorities aren't completely straight. I may be trying to lose weight, but I also need to be gaining in my studies. As much as I preach about thinking before speaking, I need to start living it, and try to think what others may think of what I'm saying. Especially when the things I'm saying are unnecessarily hurtful.

To that friend:

I'm sorry for what I said, and I know I apologized already, but I want to say it again. I'm so sorry. I wish I could tell you how crappy I feel right now, and I hope that I didn't leave a bad impression of myself tonight. I'm not a jerk, but I won't blame what I said on a lack of sleep. There's no excuse to be stupid, and I was.

You have been really great to me, even though I feel sometimes that I barely know you. Maybe someday, I'll have the courage to tell you what your friendship means to me without feeling that it would wierd you out. I only ask that you pray for me, because right now, I really need it.

to my parents. I enjoyed taking part in the celebration in my own small way. I cooked dinner for them. Both of my parents enjoyed a grilled New York Strip steak with asparagus, and cinnamon-raisin rice. It was served with a white zinfandel that was bottled on their anniversary in 2001. The vineyard it came from was local. I'm not the best cook in the world, but I don't do too badly for a college student.

My parents have been married to eachother for twenty-six years. I am a very blessed man with a very blessed family. Here is to the sacrament of marriage, and those that keep it holy.

Well, another ash wednesday comes to St. Blog's. While many people are retiring from blogging during the forty days, I have decided to blog every day, because I write so rarely on here, that it seems only appropriate to do so. I often come up with a scripture and a penitential psalm to reflect on during this period in time. For this Lent, I have chosen Psalm 32, and Matt 5:13 for my reflective verses because I really wanted to deepen my appreciation for the sacrament of confession, and also to reflect on the necessity of not becoming worldly among my peers who see me as a representative of the Catholic Faith.

I first decided on Matt 5:13 after reading a page on my book on St. Thomas Aquinas written by G.K. Chesterton. The excerpt from that book follows here.:

The Saint is a medicine because he is an antidote. Indeed that is why the saint is often a martyr; he is mistaken for a poison because he is an antidote. He will generally be found restoring the world to sanity by exaggerating whatever the world neglects, which is by no means always the same element in every age. Yet each generation seeks its saint by instinct; and he is not what the people want, but rather what the people need. This is surely the very much mistaken meaning of those words to the first saints, "Ye are the salt of the earth," which caused the Ex-Kaiser to remark with all solemnity that his beefy Germans were the salt of the earth; meaning thereby merely that they were the earth's beefiest and therefore best. But salt seasons and preserves beef, not because it is like beef; but because it is very unlike it. Christ did not tell his apostles that they were only the excellent people, or the only excellent people, but that they were the exceptional people; the permanently incongruous and incompatible people; and the text about the salt of the earth is really as sharp and shrewd and tart as the taste of salt. It is because they were the exceptional people, that they must not lose their exceptional quality. "If salt lose its savour, wherewith shall it be salted?" is a much more pointed question than any mere lament over the price of the best beef. If the world grows too worldly, it can be rebuked by the Church; but if the Church grows too worldly, it cannot be adequately rebuked for worldliness by the world.(G.K. Chesterton; St. Thomas Aquinas: The Dumb Ox)

Here is Psalm 32 from the Revised Standard Version of the Bible:

1: Blessed is he whose transgression is forgiven, whose sin is covered.
2: Blessed is the man to whom the LORD imputes no iniquity, and in whose spirit there is no deceit.
3: When I declared not my sin, my body wasted away through my groaning all day long.
4: For day and night thy hand was heavy upon me; my strength was dried up as by the heat of summer. [Selah]
5: I acknowledged my sin to thee, and I did not hide my iniquity; I said, "I will confess my transgressions to the LORD"; then thou didst forgive the guilt of my sin. [Selah]
6: Therefore let every one who is godly offer prayer to thee; at a time of distress, in the rush of great waters, they shall not reach him.
7: Thou art a hiding place for me, thou preservest me from trouble; thou dost encompass me with deliverance. [Selah]
8: I will instruct you and teach you the way you should go; I will counsel you with my eye upon you.
9: Be not like a horse or a mule, without understanding, which must be curbed with bit and bridle, else it will not keep with you.
10: Many are the pangs of the wicked; but steadfast love surrounds him who trusts in the LORD.
11: Be glad in the LORD, and rejoice, O righteous, and shout for joy, all you upright in heart!

More reflection on these verses will follow in the coming days of Lent.

I have decided I can't give up meat for Lent because my parents still control what's on the menu to a large extent. That being said, I still plan to increase my daily prayers, and until I find something appropriate to give up, I will find something charitable to do. I can't give up sodas or chocolate or candies because those are pretty much off of my diet anyway. So, I'll just have to keep thinking. Any ideas would be appreciated.

God bless.

You know what secret we need to keep among us good Catholics?

Ash Wednesday isn't a holy day of obligation.

I say, if it gets them (Catholics who only come to mass on days when you get stuff) here at least one day more than it would if they didn't know, then the better it is for them.

Anyway, I've been thinking that I seriously need to write more in this blog, and I need to write more things of substance. I was talking things over with a friend, and I stated that I really have no idea what my blog is supposed to be about. I suppose it's a devotional blog, but I never intended it to be. Since there are a number of things that you can't really talk about on a devotional blog. On the other hand, women seem to have the market cornered on that particular blog niche, and a male voice might be suited towards it.

I really would like to keep this in a free thought format, but set more rules for myself when it comes to what I write. No more one sentence entries, and I'll have to learn how to come up with better titles for said entries as well.

So, here are my plans for the blog during Lent

1. Write every day in my blog, and it has to be on some devotional subject, and it must be at least three paragraphs long.
2. As the palms burn down to ashes on Wednesday, so too will the template for this blog. I hate it so much. I've gone into the inconveniences it causes on an earlier post. The template will gone, and I'll probably return it to one of the movable type stock templates
3. Start looking around for somebody who can design a nicer template. Or, learn how to desing a new one all by myself.

As far as what I plan to do in my real life?
1. I'm going to go to daily mass on those days that do not conflict with my class schedule
2. I will abstain from meat for lent
3. Do more devotional reading.
4. Offer up the success of the UCO pro-life group in my prayers.

Tomorrow is Shrove Tuesday. So, everybody enjoy your pancakes.

May God bless you all during the lenten season.

I'm sorry. I'm an idiot.

Before you pray for me or my family, don't forget to pray for the pope and his illness.

For all those who may be going through some sort of medical affliction, may I suggest reading and meditating on His Holiness' Apostolic Letter, 'Salvifici Doloris'.

My father, mother and I are all suffering from some sort of evil head cold. My father seems to have gotten the worst of it. My mother also suffers from a lot of stress from family matters outside the home, so her being sick isn't helping much. I have been able to function for the most part, but my nose is so runny and I have the blahs. Please keep my entire family in your prayers that we can all get over our illness quickly.

I have contacted American Collegians for Life, and am asking them for their help in setting up my first organizational meeting on campus. I will be called by the president of ACL on Thursday night, and I will want to discuss how I can attract a sponsor, and what should go on the informational meeting that I hold on campus.

I already have Bryan Kemper of Stand True as a possible guest speaker in the future. This is very exciting.

Blessed Mother, Pray for us.
Holy Innocents, Pray for Us.
St. Gianna Molla, Pray for us.
Blessed Margaret of Costello, pray for us.

Fr. Sibley tries to use Thomistic logic to prove donuts are the perfect food. I wonder if this can be applied to another round food, Pizza.

1. Pizza is round The circular shape reminds us of the infinite nature of God.

2. Pizza is often cut into 12 pieces The twelve pieces remind us of the 12 apostles.

3.There are three vital layers to a pizza. Dough, sauce and cheese together remind us of the Holy Trinity.

4. Pizza has endless topping possibilities The endless topping possibilities of the many ways we can serve God through our charisms.